Mom's here!

That is all!! lol I will post of my pampered day off tomorrow! TTYL!!

Little Black Book

Good evening to all! I am getting used to the new time since last night was daylight savings. I think I like falling back better, but what can I do? Haha. I went through my normal Sunday routine of going to mass in the morning, then heading to the barn at noon. Jan keeps improving everyday and tomorrow is her day off. We'll see how she does flying solo on Tuesday since my mom is taking me out for the day!! I can't wait!

Tuesday will be the first day off that I have had in over a month. Mom is coming down tomorrow evening and will pick me up from the farm. I hope I have everything done by the time she gets here. She has already told me she is ready for a foot massage.

Today's readings were about temptation, starting from the beginning when the serpent tempted Adam and Eve with the fruit of the tree that God had forbidden them to even touch. We all know what happens in that story. In the gospel, the devil, not realizing who Jesus was exactly, tempted Jesus three times while Jesus was in the desert, yet Jesus did not give in and the devil was defeated. The homily that Fr. Huber gave told of how we are all tempted by the devil every day. The devil is lazy, meaning he quickly finds our weaknesses and goes with that instead of dreaming up new temptations, which is why we find ourselves sounding like a broken record whenever we go to confession. He also gave the analogy that the devil tempting us is like a bullfight. The bull, after being lanced open, is tempted by the toreador (aka torero) waving a red cape. With each charge and pass through the cape, the bull tires until it's head is low enough to expose the shoulder blades. The toreador then takes his sword and, if he is strong enough to do so, plunges it between the shoulder blades and into the bull's heart. We are the bulls that are tempted by the devil's toreador cape. If we continue to give into temptation, the devil will eventually kill us spiritually. If we are really smart, we would spend less time attacking the cape and go for the bullfighter!

I thought it was a brilliant homily. It had many good points and I got a lot out of it. After mass I picked up The Little Black Book...no, it's not what you are thinking. It doesn't contain a bunch of addresses and phone numbers. It is a book that has 50 six minute meditations for us for each day of Lent starting with the Sunday before Ash Wednesday and ending with Easter. I am going to find some time to catch up with the days that I missed so I can get the most out of it.

That is about all I have to say for today. Until tomorrow, ttfn!

So...

Hey, all! Today was very blustery day. The winds were really nasty this morning and I was thankful for having a horse attached to me to keep me on the ground! I don't have a lot to post about today...

I passed up another opportunity to go out and have fun with some friends tonight. I should have gone, but I just didn't feel like it tonight. The last time I was too exhausted and tired to go out. One of these days, I'm going to actually go have some fun. Oh wait! I will have one soon! My mom is coming down from Britt to pamper and hang out with me for a day. I am sooo ready for it! I haven't had a day off in quite a while. Lately I have only been taking Sunday mornings off to go to church and get some errands run. Otherwise I just work all the time. It sounds boring, but right now I have the energy and I get to be around horses all day so it is definitely a win-win situation most of the time.

Of course I get tired and a little burnt out, but Sunday morning is actually enough for me. It's refreshing being able to have that little time off where I can dress up a little, and go to mass. It's also nice that I know the priest personally, so we get to pick on each other every once in a while and I have someone to say "hi" to.

Did you think I forgot already?

Ha! It is almost midnight and I'll be you guys were thinking I had already forgotten to post. Nope. I was just trying to figure out what to post!

I had a pretty good day, I am starting to tone out Jan's consistent noise-making since I will be working with her for a couple of months. So I might as well get used to it. I think she is seeing how much work being an assistant barn manager actually is. Today I had to put her on stalls and we pretty much did stalls all day since the other stall cleaner had a family emergency. She had almost all the morning turnout stalls done before we had to switch horses for turnout. After that I went to lunch while she cleaned the last stall. After our breaks, we cleaned more stalls, swept the cement side, brought in horses, and did chores. I noticed that even though she has had horses for quite a while, she doesn't have very good handling skills and is quite nervous around the horses. I had to switch horses with her today because the horse she was leading got scared of the farmhand's kids, which in turn, scared her. So I had to turn around and give her the horse that I had, who can be a pushy jerk every now and then, but that ended up going ok. In other words, they both got in the barn in one piece.

We had amazing weather today and I got to ride in an empty arena after chores. It felt so nice and Madusa, the Arabian that I normally ride, did pretty well despite the fact that we switched bits with her again. I know that she goes fine in about any bit we put in her mouth, but horses are creatures of habit and it would be nice to just let her have the same bit every time. The last bit she likes, but Paige wants her horse, Barney, to be the only one who has it. Since there is nothing I can do about that, I can only hope that Madusa keeps improving and gets back in the shape that I had her in at the end of the summer last year. The bit that she has now is fatter than the others that she has worn and I am hoping that she is able to swallow, so I will be looking out for any sign of excess saliva dripping from her mouth. It is normal for a horse to salivate a little with a bit that they like, but too much can be uncomfortable when they can't swallow properly. Imagine talking or doing something physical and not being able to swallow when your mouth gets full of saliva. Pretty gross isn't it, and not being able to breathe properly just makes it even harder! Well, I guess I will just have to keep an eye on her.

So I guess I will leave with that. We'll see what tomorrow brings. TTYL!

Coping Techniques

So, Lent is going pretty well so far. I have been dealing with some anxiety and nerves, which I get every once in a while when a bunch of stuff gets in my head all at once. Nothing major, but when I get to feel that way, I tend to nibble at my nails/fingers, and so I have been finding other ways to cope. For example horseback riding helps me to breathe, focus on the ride, and just plain lose myself. Riding normally gives me a sense of mental quietness, escape, and peace. Well, I went out to ride this evening and I got the horse, Madusa, tacked up, chatted with some of the boarders, and went into the arena after they had gone. Well, in an enclosed space with four other people doing four different things makes for a limited amount of space to ride and find that kind of mental quietness, escape, and peace. I only rode for a few minutes before I felt an actual anxiety attack coming on. I couldn't breathe correctly, started getting kinda shaky, and my mind just wouldn't clear, so I got off Madusa, put her away, and went back to my apartment. So tonight, that technique didn't work tonight. So I did something I think my mother would be proud of...

I started CLEANING!! I washed all the dishes, cleaned the kitchen, scrubbed my bathroom, and swept my tile floor. So now, I am more relaxed and my head is clear. This was after Paige came down to see if I was OK. She was out working with another horse on another farm so she wasn't here to know what was going on, so I texted her to let her know in case the boarders asked why I cut my ride so short. She and I talked for a few minutes she showed me some new warm up yoga positions and then she went back upstairs.

We have also gotten a new intern on the farm. Her name is Jan. She is in her lower 50's, and is doing OK so far. She is also about 4'10" and likes to take the really gentle approach when it comes to horses and that makes me nervous and scared for her because if she lets the horses push her around too much, she could get hurt. I told Paige about that and she said that she is going to try to be out more tomorrow to see what is going on for herself. I hope things get better as the time goes on. She also is constantly making some sort of noise...I am not talking about constant chatter with another person either in person or on a cell phone. No, I am talking about a constant humming; sometimes to a song, other times to herself and it gets annoying pretty fast. By the time we were finished with chores, I said a quick "goodbye" and went straight to my quiet apartment. I don't mind it if there is noise such as the radio or people talking to each other or on the phone, but when someone is humming really quick like and tries (in a non-rhythmic, monotonous) to hum along with a song, I just get annoyed. I guess it's just a pet peeve, which I normally don't let get to me. Oh well, eventually I will either get used to it or just tell her to shut up...whichever happens first.

So that about wraps up my second post of the Lenten season. I suppose I could add a bit more of a religious aspect to this blog, since I am making a committment to this. In yesterday's homily, Father Huber told us that we should push ourselves during Lent. He said to not just give up something as simple as chocolate and try to hang in there for 40 days, but to push ourselves and try to do something to try to get a better relationship with God. I had to smile at the chocolate part as I have been thinking about the past Lent seasons as far back as I can remember and I HAVE given up chocolate before (and it wasn't too bad I guess) as well as soda on several occasions. However, lately I found that I have been challenging myself more. Last year I decided to stop biting my nails, the year before I chose to read out of the Bible every day. I know that I have been changing my way of thinking and challenging myself, but I do wonder how I can push myself next year and maybe even this year. In recent weeks I have been looking at the daily readings every now and then at night while thinking of the message in each reading. Some days are more of a challenge than others but I enjoy thinking about the message that God is trying to tell us.

That is another thing you followers can look forward to in my posts other than reading about my petty life. I am not goingto or even trying to push religion, or God, or Jesus, or ways of thinking down your throats; I am just letting you get even more into my thoughts and feelings. These are things that I otherwise can't say out loud. If any of you have ever fought with me face-to-face, I am very easy to beat, but with blogging, I can think more about what I am going to say instead of putting my foot in my mouth.

I think I have said enough for tonight. Until tomorrow, happy reading!!

Ash Wednesday

Today, as the title implies, is Ash Wednesday. A day which marks the beginning of the Lenten season where we remember the 40 days Jesus spent in the desert and reflect on how much we need God in our lives. At the end of the Lent is of course Easter. I am planning on going to church at 7:00 tonight in Raymond. I am hoping the roads won't be slick as it is snowing out right now and we will probably get more of it as the day goes on.

Every year during Lent, we are asked to give something up or commit to doing something every day. This year I am going to do both. I am going to NOT bite my nails in hopes of kicking the habit for good and I am going to post on this blog every day. So those of you who follow my blog will have something to look forward. Haha. I have noticed that some of my blog posts have been negative and I mainly use it as a way to vent and I hope to change that as the days go by.

I am now a full-time assistant barn manager at LaBella Farm. I am now on a weekly salary and have been keeping track of how much time I spend in the barn. So far, I have spent over 40 hours in the barn each week a couple of weeks have pushed the 50 hour mark. I do take Sunday morning off to go to church and have some time off the farm. Monday I usually make light since I don't have to do stalls and I use that time to clean the apartment. Traci has come and gone so I have the apartment to myself again for the time being. It was kind of nice having someone to talk to and a dog to spoil and play with, but I will get another roommate eventually since we are looking for someone to do stalls in exchange for the rent.

That about sums up what has been going on since the last post. I will post again tomorrow, so ttyl!

Pre-Holiday Happenings

Well, the Beahrs have gone. Paige and I have been running the farm ourselves for almost a couple of months now and things are going pretty smoothly. I have moved all of my bedroom furniture into Sharon's old room, we have added some curtains, blinds, and new ceiling tiles, and I have a new full size bed! We now have 16 horses, 3 of which are outside so I now have 13 stalls to do everyday.

We have just hired a few new people. One gal, Traci, is going to be moving in with me and will help with chores and other barn activities. I have no doubt that she will be training horses since she is a trainer. She is bipolar, and when I mentioned that I had never lived with a bipolar person before, I quickly learned that Sharon was actually bipolar!! I had no idea of this, but that was probably so I wouldn't be scared away from the job in the first place. But once Traci told me what to expect, I think we will get along fine.

We have also hired another gal to help me out with stalls. She will do stalls twice a week so I can have a couple of days to do other things such as run errands and do other barn work. Lately, I have been having pretty bad pain in my upper back while I have been doing stalls, and I have been getting irritable since I am still in school and it's harder to get stalls done in the morning. I am the kind of person who can't get out of bed when it is still dark outside. My body doesn't work that way and Paige thinks I am just finding excuses and making up stories to get out of stalls, but I am not. I do like to do stalls since it is the only way of making money and I am being productive during the day, but getting up before dawn has always been pretty hard. I remember when I started out here in the summer, Sharon would always keep the hall light on. My old room was pitch black with no windows, so when that light would shine through, I would think it was daylight, so I couldn't get back to sleep. I finally had to tell her to keep it off, which she did with much difficulty. Otherwise, the stalls have been getting done later in the morning when the horses are outside and that makes it a lot easier on me since I don't have to worry about the horses getting in the way.

Another recent employee is a new farmhand, who will do the mowing in the summer, snow plowing in the winter, and other stuff in between that us women can't easily get done ourselves. He and his family will be moving into the trailer soon, and Paige and I can't wait to have them join our team.

I can't wait for school to be over! This is my last semester and I will be excited when I no longer have to worry about homework or being late for or missing class. I started going to school this year not knowing if the farm would be sold or not; not to mention if I would still have a long term job here. Last week was Thanksgiving break and it was so relaxing not having to worry about school and just focusing on the horses. Now that school is back in session for another week or so, I am more distracted and stressed than ever! Paige has already called me out on cutting some corners, I have had several meltdowns, and, on top of everything else, Paige and Traci are hinting that I may have to switch rooms....AGAIN!!! I wish I were the kind to toughen up and defend myself, but that is not what I normally do. Normally I end up crying and going off to do something to calm myself down. I am sometimes amazed that I haven't started drinking or smoking yet! I really want to keep my room, but I feel that if I fight for it, they will accuse me of being spoiled, since people have been giving me a lot lately much to my actual dismay, or something like that. I can't find the right words to fight back with and what comes out of my mouth doesn't always match what is in my head at the time. That part gets frustrating. So I guess we will have to see how it all turns out.

I am going to try and get some shut eye now. I am going to try and get some stalls done early in the morning so I can get to church on time and not be in a hurry to get back to do stalls. Good night, all!!