So...

Hey, all! Today was very blustery day. The winds were really nasty this morning and I was thankful for having a horse attached to me to keep me on the ground! I don't have a lot to post about today...

I passed up another opportunity to go out and have fun with some friends tonight. I should have gone, but I just didn't feel like it tonight. The last time I was too exhausted and tired to go out. One of these days, I'm going to actually go have some fun. Oh wait! I will have one soon! My mom is coming down from Britt to pamper and hang out with me for a day. I am sooo ready for it! I haven't had a day off in quite a while. Lately I have only been taking Sunday mornings off to go to church and get some errands run. Otherwise I just work all the time. It sounds boring, but right now I have the energy and I get to be around horses all day so it is definitely a win-win situation most of the time.

Of course I get tired and a little burnt out, but Sunday morning is actually enough for me. It's refreshing being able to have that little time off where I can dress up a little, and go to mass. It's also nice that I know the priest personally, so we get to pick on each other every once in a while and I have someone to say "hi" to.

Did you think I forgot already?

Ha! It is almost midnight and I'll be you guys were thinking I had already forgotten to post. Nope. I was just trying to figure out what to post!

I had a pretty good day, I am starting to tone out Jan's consistent noise-making since I will be working with her for a couple of months. So I might as well get used to it. I think she is seeing how much work being an assistant barn manager actually is. Today I had to put her on stalls and we pretty much did stalls all day since the other stall cleaner had a family emergency. She had almost all the morning turnout stalls done before we had to switch horses for turnout. After that I went to lunch while she cleaned the last stall. After our breaks, we cleaned more stalls, swept the cement side, brought in horses, and did chores. I noticed that even though she has had horses for quite a while, she doesn't have very good handling skills and is quite nervous around the horses. I had to switch horses with her today because the horse she was leading got scared of the farmhand's kids, which in turn, scared her. So I had to turn around and give her the horse that I had, who can be a pushy jerk every now and then, but that ended up going ok. In other words, they both got in the barn in one piece.

We had amazing weather today and I got to ride in an empty arena after chores. It felt so nice and Madusa, the Arabian that I normally ride, did pretty well despite the fact that we switched bits with her again. I know that she goes fine in about any bit we put in her mouth, but horses are creatures of habit and it would be nice to just let her have the same bit every time. The last bit she likes, but Paige wants her horse, Barney, to be the only one who has it. Since there is nothing I can do about that, I can only hope that Madusa keeps improving and gets back in the shape that I had her in at the end of the summer last year. The bit that she has now is fatter than the others that she has worn and I am hoping that she is able to swallow, so I will be looking out for any sign of excess saliva dripping from her mouth. It is normal for a horse to salivate a little with a bit that they like, but too much can be uncomfortable when they can't swallow properly. Imagine talking or doing something physical and not being able to swallow when your mouth gets full of saliva. Pretty gross isn't it, and not being able to breathe properly just makes it even harder! Well, I guess I will just have to keep an eye on her.

So I guess I will leave with that. We'll see what tomorrow brings. TTYL!

Coping Techniques

So, Lent is going pretty well so far. I have been dealing with some anxiety and nerves, which I get every once in a while when a bunch of stuff gets in my head all at once. Nothing major, but when I get to feel that way, I tend to nibble at my nails/fingers, and so I have been finding other ways to cope. For example horseback riding helps me to breathe, focus on the ride, and just plain lose myself. Riding normally gives me a sense of mental quietness, escape, and peace. Well, I went out to ride this evening and I got the horse, Madusa, tacked up, chatted with some of the boarders, and went into the arena after they had gone. Well, in an enclosed space with four other people doing four different things makes for a limited amount of space to ride and find that kind of mental quietness, escape, and peace. I only rode for a few minutes before I felt an actual anxiety attack coming on. I couldn't breathe correctly, started getting kinda shaky, and my mind just wouldn't clear, so I got off Madusa, put her away, and went back to my apartment. So tonight, that technique didn't work tonight. So I did something I think my mother would be proud of...

I started CLEANING!! I washed all the dishes, cleaned the kitchen, scrubbed my bathroom, and swept my tile floor. So now, I am more relaxed and my head is clear. This was after Paige came down to see if I was OK. She was out working with another horse on another farm so she wasn't here to know what was going on, so I texted her to let her know in case the boarders asked why I cut my ride so short. She and I talked for a few minutes she showed me some new warm up yoga positions and then she went back upstairs.

We have also gotten a new intern on the farm. Her name is Jan. She is in her lower 50's, and is doing OK so far. She is also about 4'10" and likes to take the really gentle approach when it comes to horses and that makes me nervous and scared for her because if she lets the horses push her around too much, she could get hurt. I told Paige about that and she said that she is going to try to be out more tomorrow to see what is going on for herself. I hope things get better as the time goes on. She also is constantly making some sort of noise...I am not talking about constant chatter with another person either in person or on a cell phone. No, I am talking about a constant humming; sometimes to a song, other times to herself and it gets annoying pretty fast. By the time we were finished with chores, I said a quick "goodbye" and went straight to my quiet apartment. I don't mind it if there is noise such as the radio or people talking to each other or on the phone, but when someone is humming really quick like and tries (in a non-rhythmic, monotonous) to hum along with a song, I just get annoyed. I guess it's just a pet peeve, which I normally don't let get to me. Oh well, eventually I will either get used to it or just tell her to shut up...whichever happens first.

So that about wraps up my second post of the Lenten season. I suppose I could add a bit more of a religious aspect to this blog, since I am making a committment to this. In yesterday's homily, Father Huber told us that we should push ourselves during Lent. He said to not just give up something as simple as chocolate and try to hang in there for 40 days, but to push ourselves and try to do something to try to get a better relationship with God. I had to smile at the chocolate part as I have been thinking about the past Lent seasons as far back as I can remember and I HAVE given up chocolate before (and it wasn't too bad I guess) as well as soda on several occasions. However, lately I found that I have been challenging myself more. Last year I decided to stop biting my nails, the year before I chose to read out of the Bible every day. I know that I have been changing my way of thinking and challenging myself, but I do wonder how I can push myself next year and maybe even this year. In recent weeks I have been looking at the daily readings every now and then at night while thinking of the message in each reading. Some days are more of a challenge than others but I enjoy thinking about the message that God is trying to tell us.

That is another thing you followers can look forward to in my posts other than reading about my petty life. I am not goingto or even trying to push religion, or God, or Jesus, or ways of thinking down your throats; I am just letting you get even more into my thoughts and feelings. These are things that I otherwise can't say out loud. If any of you have ever fought with me face-to-face, I am very easy to beat, but with blogging, I can think more about what I am going to say instead of putting my foot in my mouth.

I think I have said enough for tonight. Until tomorrow, happy reading!!

Ash Wednesday

Today, as the title implies, is Ash Wednesday. A day which marks the beginning of the Lenten season where we remember the 40 days Jesus spent in the desert and reflect on how much we need God in our lives. At the end of the Lent is of course Easter. I am planning on going to church at 7:00 tonight in Raymond. I am hoping the roads won't be slick as it is snowing out right now and we will probably get more of it as the day goes on.

Every year during Lent, we are asked to give something up or commit to doing something every day. This year I am going to do both. I am going to NOT bite my nails in hopes of kicking the habit for good and I am going to post on this blog every day. So those of you who follow my blog will have something to look forward. Haha. I have noticed that some of my blog posts have been negative and I mainly use it as a way to vent and I hope to change that as the days go by.

I am now a full-time assistant barn manager at LaBella Farm. I am now on a weekly salary and have been keeping track of how much time I spend in the barn. So far, I have spent over 40 hours in the barn each week a couple of weeks have pushed the 50 hour mark. I do take Sunday morning off to go to church and have some time off the farm. Monday I usually make light since I don't have to do stalls and I use that time to clean the apartment. Traci has come and gone so I have the apartment to myself again for the time being. It was kind of nice having someone to talk to and a dog to spoil and play with, but I will get another roommate eventually since we are looking for someone to do stalls in exchange for the rent.

That about sums up what has been going on since the last post. I will post again tomorrow, so ttyl!

Pre-Holiday Happenings

Well, the Beahrs have gone. Paige and I have been running the farm ourselves for almost a couple of months now and things are going pretty smoothly. I have moved all of my bedroom furniture into Sharon's old room, we have added some curtains, blinds, and new ceiling tiles, and I have a new full size bed! We now have 16 horses, 3 of which are outside so I now have 13 stalls to do everyday.

We have just hired a few new people. One gal, Traci, is going to be moving in with me and will help with chores and other barn activities. I have no doubt that she will be training horses since she is a trainer. She is bipolar, and when I mentioned that I had never lived with a bipolar person before, I quickly learned that Sharon was actually bipolar!! I had no idea of this, but that was probably so I wouldn't be scared away from the job in the first place. But once Traci told me what to expect, I think we will get along fine.

We have also hired another gal to help me out with stalls. She will do stalls twice a week so I can have a couple of days to do other things such as run errands and do other barn work. Lately, I have been having pretty bad pain in my upper back while I have been doing stalls, and I have been getting irritable since I am still in school and it's harder to get stalls done in the morning. I am the kind of person who can't get out of bed when it is still dark outside. My body doesn't work that way and Paige thinks I am just finding excuses and making up stories to get out of stalls, but I am not. I do like to do stalls since it is the only way of making money and I am being productive during the day, but getting up before dawn has always been pretty hard. I remember when I started out here in the summer, Sharon would always keep the hall light on. My old room was pitch black with no windows, so when that light would shine through, I would think it was daylight, so I couldn't get back to sleep. I finally had to tell her to keep it off, which she did with much difficulty. Otherwise, the stalls have been getting done later in the morning when the horses are outside and that makes it a lot easier on me since I don't have to worry about the horses getting in the way.

Another recent employee is a new farmhand, who will do the mowing in the summer, snow plowing in the winter, and other stuff in between that us women can't easily get done ourselves. He and his family will be moving into the trailer soon, and Paige and I can't wait to have them join our team.

I can't wait for school to be over! This is my last semester and I will be excited when I no longer have to worry about homework or being late for or missing class. I started going to school this year not knowing if the farm would be sold or not; not to mention if I would still have a long term job here. Last week was Thanksgiving break and it was so relaxing not having to worry about school and just focusing on the horses. Now that school is back in session for another week or so, I am more distracted and stressed than ever! Paige has already called me out on cutting some corners, I have had several meltdowns, and, on top of everything else, Paige and Traci are hinting that I may have to switch rooms....AGAIN!!! I wish I were the kind to toughen up and defend myself, but that is not what I normally do. Normally I end up crying and going off to do something to calm myself down. I am sometimes amazed that I haven't started drinking or smoking yet! I really want to keep my room, but I feel that if I fight for it, they will accuse me of being spoiled, since people have been giving me a lot lately much to my actual dismay, or something like that. I can't find the right words to fight back with and what comes out of my mouth doesn't always match what is in my head at the time. That part gets frustrating. So I guess we will have to see how it all turns out.

I am going to try and get some shut eye now. I am going to try and get some stalls done early in the morning so I can get to church on time and not be in a hurry to get back to do stalls. Good night, all!!

Everything Changes

This has been a hectic week. Not only did I have to do my own chores, stalls, classes, and studying, but Sharon, my roommate and Sylvia's sister, had to stop doing her chores and stalls on Thursday to help Sylvia pack for the move to Texas by Wednesday. So all the stalls and chores are on me and the new owner, Paige. The bad news is that on Friday, Paige fell from a horse and had to be taken to the hospital later that day. Luckily nothing is broken or badly damaged and she is fine now. At the time, she had only one stall done compared to my three; so that left me to do around 20+ stalls by myself....a daunting task. I worked from 7:30AM to 8:45PM and got 16 stalls done. She had told me not to worry about some since those horses would be leaving within the next couple of days, and since they are regularly out in the pasture, their stalls aren't that bad at all. I can tell you though, doing 16 stalls in one day is exhausting and I was so sore. I normally do 12 stalls three times a week, which includes the seven that I am normally in charge of, plus 5 extra since we didn't really need a third stall cleaner. So 16 in one day was kinda tough.


We have also had to say good bye to some of our horses this weekend. I wasn't around to see them go, so it wasn't too hard for me. Sharon said she had a hard time watching them get loaded in the trailer because she had taken care of them for longer, but we are glad that they are going to good homes. She had also told me that one of my favorite horses, Beyonce, has also been sold. This news made me very sad. Later, I was doing evening chores when I saw a trailer outside the arena. I was heading to the small barn next where Beyonce is kept. When I walked out of the main barn, I saw that it was one of our boarders coming back from a trail ride. Since I had already thought the worst, I started sobbing with relief that I still had a little bit of time to say good bye to her. I have worked a lot with her and her turning out manners, so we have developed a bond and I know that I will have a very hard time once her new owners come to get her since my heart breaks at the thought of her going.

Things are definitely going to be changing fast, so the next week will be even more busy as well as emotional.

This weekend I also went to have lunch with my younger brother, Micah, at the Olive Garden. He must have really missed me because he swept me into a big bear hug when I got out of my car. We don't really have a great sibling relationship, so that kinda surprised me. While it was nice to catch up with him, I also noticed that he needs to work on his restaurant etiquette as well as his appearance as it seems he hasn't shaved in a while. He admitted that he only shaved on Sundays, so he has to work on that.

Well, I think I am all caught up for now. I need to get to bed to prepare for the upcoming roller coaster of a week.

New Beginnings

Hey all! Remember me? Good, I know it's been quite a while and I promised to post more, but I kept forgetting and work and school kept getting in the way.....ok, ok, I'll stop making excuses!! Now for the good stuff....I bet you are dying to know what I have really been up to all this time. Well, I will try to keep this as short as possible, so here goes.....
Since my last post I:

• Spent all spring semester at Kirkwood working at McDonald's and going to class. Nothing much new there!
• Became a vegetarian.
• Quit McDonald's....why is coming up shortly!
• Moved from Cedar Rapids to Cedar Falls.
• Got a small, overpriced apartment in Cedar Falls
• Left small, overpriced apartment in Cedar Falls to move to:
• Beahr Ridge Arabians, where I am still living and working but it is now known as LaBella Farm @ Beahr Ridge. Long story, I'll explain later.
• Applied/attending University of Northern Iowa

Did that blow your mind? Well if it didn't...sorry! Haha, I'm just kidding, but as you can see I was busy taking some gen eds at Kirkwood during the spring as well as working long hours at McDonalds. Now, my days at McDonald's are no more, and even though I miss some of the people and the nice paychecks at the end, I am happy to be done with it and really hope that I don't have to go back to working at a fast food place...ever!!! I still stay in touch with some of the people though, and I try to visit them when I can steal a few hours. This job is one of the reasons why I don't eat meat anymore.

I decided to become a vegetarian in April of this year. One reason being that meat just didn't taste good to me anymore. If I smell it, I still get a metalic taste in my mouth and it still kills my appetite for meat. Another reason is from being a closer at McDonald's, I would see the wasted meat at night and it was pretty disgusting to look at. If one customer was not satisfied with something on their burger, it would get tossed in the waste bin, and at the end of the day, we would have at least $20 worth of meat wasted.....poor animal! I won't go roo far into this vegetarian thing in this post. I still don't have a problem with other people eating meat or pork/beef/poultry production so that's not really an issue.

I have also moved to Cedar Falls to attend UNI majoring in Psychology. I am really enjoying it so far and have made a few friends that I can enjoy outside of work. Speaking of work, I don't have to do that anymore!!! At the beginning of the summer, I started working for Sylvia Beahr at Beahr Ridge Arabians in Cedar Falls and, in late July, moved into their lower/basement apartment, which is huge compared to my other Cedar Falls one. That apartment had nice features, but ended up being small, cramped, and the roommate was eh. She was nice, but she had poor housekeeping abilities, which meant that at the end of the day, I would come home to several dishes on the floor, food left out, and just a dirty environment. It was also overpriced and I can say that I am glad to be out of there.

I love living in the country again....the farm is a place that I can really call home and it is perfect for a horse gal like me. Sylvia had actually put it up for sale in January, and a few weeks ago, Paige LaBella bought it. She has hired me as an assistant barn manager, that is once my roommate, Sharon leaves with Sylvia. Sylvia, her husband Dick, and her sister, Sharon will be moving to Texas in the next couple of weeks. Dick is already down there overseeing the building of their new barn, so Sylvia and Sharon are still here making sure Paige and I get everything down and helping us out until Sylvia's horses can be moved. Sylvia owned this farm for 29 years, so she is very sad to let it go...but she has accepted that it is a big challenge for her and Dick has retired from his job at John Deere and wants to downsize so he will be able to enjoy his retirement more and work a little less. I will really miss them since they gave me my first job in the horse business, and I will miss their horses as well.

Paige LaBella is a very nice lady in her 40's that has a good horse background and we work very well together. She has said that she is very happy with me so far and I am looking forward to working for her in the future.

Well, I think we are very well caught up now and I am ready to go to bed. I will leave with another promise to try to blog some more. Good night all!!!