So, Lent is going pretty well so far. I have been dealing with some anxiety and nerves, which I get every once in a while when a bunch of stuff gets in my head all at once. Nothing major, but when I get to feel that way, I tend to nibble at my nails/fingers, and so I have been finding other ways to cope. For example horseback riding helps me to breathe, focus on the ride, and just plain lose myself. Riding normally gives me a sense of mental quietness, escape, and peace. Well, I went out to ride this evening and I got the horse, Madusa, tacked up, chatted with some of the boarders, and went into the arena after they had gone. Well, in an enclosed space with four other people doing four different things makes for a limited amount of space to ride and find that kind of mental quietness, escape, and peace. I only rode for a few minutes before I felt an actual anxiety attack coming on. I couldn't breathe correctly, started getting kinda shaky, and my mind just wouldn't clear, so I got off Madusa, put her away, and went back to my apartment. So tonight, that technique didn't work tonight. So I did something I think my mother would be proud of...
I started CLEANING!! I washed all the dishes, cleaned the kitchen, scrubbed my bathroom, and swept my tile floor. So now, I am more relaxed and my head is clear. This was after Paige came down to see if I was OK. She was out working with another horse on another farm so she wasn't here to know what was going on, so I texted her to let her know in case the boarders asked why I cut my ride so short. She and I talked for a few minutes she showed me some new warm up yoga positions and then she went back upstairs.
We have also gotten a new intern on the farm. Her name is Jan. She is in her lower 50's, and is doing OK so far. She is also about 4'10" and likes to take the really gentle approach when it comes to horses and that makes me nervous and scared for her because if she lets the horses push her around too much, she could get hurt. I told Paige about that and she said that she is going to try to be out more tomorrow to see what is going on for herself. I hope things get better as the time goes on. She also is constantly making some sort of noise...I am not talking about constant chatter with another person either in person or on a cell phone. No, I am talking about a constant humming; sometimes to a song, other times to herself and it gets annoying pretty fast. By the time we were finished with chores, I said a quick "goodbye" and went straight to my quiet apartment. I don't mind it if there is noise such as the radio or people talking to each other or on the phone, but when someone is humming really quick like and tries (in a non-rhythmic, monotonous) to hum along with a song, I just get annoyed. I guess it's just a pet peeve, which I normally don't let get to me. Oh well, eventually I will either get used to it or just tell her to shut up...whichever happens first.
So that about wraps up my second post of the Lenten season. I suppose I could add a bit more of a religious aspect to this blog, since I am making a committment to this. In yesterday's homily, Father Huber told us that we should push ourselves during Lent. He said to not just give up something as simple as chocolate and try to hang in there for 40 days, but to push ourselves and try to do something to try to get a better relationship with God. I had to smile at the chocolate part as I have been thinking about the past Lent seasons as far back as I can remember and I HAVE given up chocolate before (and it wasn't too bad I guess) as well as soda on several occasions. However, lately I found that I have been challenging myself more. Last year I decided to stop biting my nails, the year before I chose to read out of the Bible every day. I know that I have been changing my way of thinking and challenging myself, but I do wonder how I can push myself next year and maybe even this year. In recent weeks I have been looking at the daily readings every now and then at night while thinking of the message in each reading. Some days are more of a challenge than others but I enjoy thinking about the message that God is trying to tell us.
That is another thing you followers can look forward to in my posts other than reading about my petty life. I am not goingto or even trying to push religion, or God, or Jesus, or ways of thinking down your throats; I am just letting you get even more into my thoughts and feelings. These are things that I otherwise can't say out loud. If any of you have ever fought with me face-to-face, I am very easy to beat, but with blogging, I can think more about what I am going to say instead of putting my foot in my mouth.
I think I have said enough for tonight. Until tomorrow, happy reading!!
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